The Camera Phone Conspiracy Theory: Merge Phenomenon
Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory…
Whether it’s chemtrails, flat earth or just a good old-fashioned 8-hour illuminati documentary, conspiracy theories are brilliant and in our opinion, they’re just aren’t enough of them. So you can imagine our delight when we uncovered a conspiracy theory of our very own when researching the history of the camera phone. We call it, “Merge Phenomenon” or MP for short and it involves the merging of two things together to make a brand new thing. Tin foil hats at the ready guys, because you’re about to have your mind blown!
The Spice Girls top the charts with their smash hit, ‘2 become 1’ and just a couple of months later, the camera phone is a thing. Coincidence? Maybe.
It’s no surprise that the first picture ever taken with a camera-phone was itself a kind of merge. Philipe Kahn connects a point, shoot and share camera to his Motorola Startac and takes a picture of his half mum/half dad hybrid. In other words, his baby.
The first picture ever taken with a mobile phone, June 11, 1997.
The J-Phone is released in Japan and it is the first camera-phone to allow sending pictures directly from the device. The ‘merge phenomenon’ starts to create its own language. ‘Tofurkey’ is the first recorded word, named after a new food that quite frankly tastes like a mistake.
Nokia release the 7650 with a whopping 0.3 megapixel camera, 2.1-inch display and 4MB of internal storage. MP starts to infect the major cities. ‘Brunch’ is the only meal of the day for people in London and New York, who only eat ‘Frogurt’ and drink ‘Frappuccinos’.
The Nokia 7650
The Nokia N90 takes the camera phone to new heights with it’s video capability. Not only does it boast a 2MP camera, it also has Carl Zeiss optics, autofocus, and an LED flash. It is essentially a camcorder that you can make calls on. Also, YouTube is founded, the audience and creator become one and cats quickly position themselves as the stars of this new DIY Hollywood system.
The Nokia n90
One in two phones sold worldwide has a built-in camera and MP shifts into overdrive. ‘Brangelina’ are King and Queen of the world, ‘freakanomics’ replace real economics and ‘botox’ (botulism meets toxic waste) is considered desirable. Also, the first ever iPhone is unveiled, labelled the smart phone, you can email, surf the internet, use touchscreen technology… it’s Star Trek s**t.
The first ever Walkman/Telephone
The Nokia N95 takes things up a notch with its 5-megapixel Carl Zeiss lens and they expect to sell a boatload, but Freakenomics has failed and the world is in a ‘credit-crunch’. But the ‘dramedy’ movie ‘Kidulthood’ inspires kids to ‘happy-slap’ each other causing a huge sales spike. And thanks to the N95, people can record their happy slapping at an amazing 30 frames-per second!
The iPhone 4 stakes its claim as the new sheriff in town with the world’s first front facing camera. The ‘selfie’ is born. This leads to all the world’s faces merging with a massive online book, unsurprisingly called, ‘Facebook’. It allows people to share their selfies with everybody they’ve ever known with one touch of a touchscreen button.
Push the selfie destruct button
The iphone 5 is released. It’s not just a camera and a phone, it is now everything. You can bank on your phone, stream music, illegal movies, you even have access to the all the knowledge ever recorded since the history of time! And how do we use this magic device?
How bad is MP at this point? One word (that should be 2) ‘Jedward’. Actual twins wearing ‘jeggings’ and ‘guyliner’ legally become one person and record ‘Ice Ice Pressure’ a mash-up of ‘Ice Ice Baby’ by Vanilla Ice and ‘Under Pressure’ by Queen/Bowie. The actual Queen is forced to jump out of a helicopter at the London Olympics to distract all the people from noticing the world is folding in on itself.
Everything is normal
The iPhone 6 supplants the iPhone 5. Nobody knows the difference, but we do know we can’t wait for the iPhone 7. Social media has ever increasing demands of you. Instagram, snapchat, tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube – people merge with brands. Walking adverts for their own lives. The biggest example of MP however is, ‘Sharknado’. Enough said! Which is actually the official tagline for the movie.
‘BoJo’ ‘mansplains’ ‘Brexit.’ A whole year summed up in 3 words that should at least be about 19. This is what we’ve become. Everything is merging into one. The singularity is upon us. Moreover, Apple have competition with Android phones, like the Samsung Galaxy range and Google, who have released a phone that can Google your thoughts. MP doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon.
Google Pixel – It knows everything
Who knows what will happen in the future, and it’s foolish to guess. But if we absolutely had to say what 2020 would look like… Apple release the idrone, it live streams your life 24/7, ‘Jazzercise’ is in the Olympics and ‘sporks’ are currency. Most likely.
A fist full of dollorks
In all seriousness, it’s plain to see that the camera phone has been a world changing invention, but we can’t blame its success for kickstarting the merge phenomenon. No, for that, we’re blaming the Spice Girls! All hail lord Zig-a-zig-ah!
You can see our photography spotlight series for more photo inspiration!